What kind of complex is this?

I was called to the house of a friend who is married to a very nice European girl, a very warm hostess. They have a chirpy 3 year old daughter who was speaking the native east European language of her mother's land. And with her father the girl would communicate either a few expressions of his wife's native tongue, which he had picked, or in English. When I asked him why the do not communicate with her in Hindi, the answer was " Shyam Bhaiya, she is in any case going to pick hindi in school and from friends."

My host perhaps sensed my 'cultural' concerns and tried to appease them by stating, "you know we both got married in a Hindu marriage ceremony, she went through all bridal rituals". Although I did not want to be a bad guest, I could not refrain from asking him, please tell me, to your wife was that ceremony any thing more that a photo opportunity or say, an album opp?

They were kind enough to serve me a sumptuous vegetarian dish, while they devoured their meat servings, of course, east european cuisine.

Well it was a happy family and I do wish them well. There are quite like them in India.
Another glaring example of this is the family of the 'first Italian Queen of India' both her children are fluent in Italian and English. They also used to speak limping hindi, which has improved over a period, as they entered public life. But their mother tongue remains Italian.
Maneka Gandhi has quite vividly revealed in her book, the kind of food that is staple in Sonia household, especially the pudding made of beef blood.

On the other side, I have come across many more-western-than-thou Indian women who seem to feel so proud of having shed all of their Indianness. I often felt sad for them for their not being able to shed their brown skin and features. My most shocking example was a vegetarian Brahmin  girl who got married to a Hindu 'Surinamese' of Indian origin. Traditionally Surinamese Hindus do not eat beef, and this girl remained a vegetarian in that family but in two years time, when she came visiting India, she was in mini skirts, while her accompanying  Surinamese women were in traditional salwar suits and sarees.

Unfortunately a few months later this Brahmin girl lost her husband and she married a white Dutch man. Lo and behold, in one year after that, this girl was more-European-than-you beef eating 'easy going' woman with quite much easy virtue. With no traces of any Indianness on her. Of course she was a Dutch national now, but in comparison to Surinamese Indians, who have been living in Europe for more than three-four generations, all Indian traces in her had evaporated. To her benefit, she was quite fair by normal Indian standards, which helped her shedding her Indian ancestry to the confines of  her personal vaults. I have quite many such examples and all indicate towards the fact that:

Whether it is men or women, there certainly exist some complex in the Indian men and women's mind, they are so keen to shed off their identity, compromise it to the extent of oblivion, in India or abroad; be it a woman or a woman, why? Why are they so keen about volunteering themselves into mental subjugation and subservience ?How could one take a consolation in his/ her identity by just being present in a photo opportunity? I am often given this bogus argument  "I did it for this sake of maintaining my family intact." What rubbish, as if all the responsibility of (language, dress, etiquette  behavior, conduct)  'maintaining the family unity falls upon this Indian counterpart in any mixed cultural unity?! I am reminded here of the Spanish Flamingo dancer Anita Delgado, whom Maharaja Jagatjit Singh of Kapurthala married and made into a Maharani. Although married into a noble Sikh family, Anita used to sit in a very prominent place in the city to smoke her cigarettes. Even the mentally subservient Maharaja could not stop her. He could not stop her from having an illicit relation with his own elder son, who in any case was elder to Anita in age, so was the mental subjugation to the 'Gora' skin! Now what do we talk of the commoner?

I have often noted that an Indian spouse initially has a flaunt value. He/ she is a trophy which is not too easy to be get. Despite having this value, it is perhaps that 'gora' complex that makes the Indian too keen to wear that 'gora' skin, at least in life, habits and food and thus ensure that they get kicked in the butt as soon as that flaunt value is over.
I am glad I have personally resisted many such attempts that were made through emotional routs as well as through all other routs possible. What ever little pride it may give to me, the examples otherwise all around me, starting from the house of the 'first Italian Queen of India' give me enough to think, "why are so many of us made with this elastic spine, which is too willing to bend backwards?"

One answer that arrives in my mind is that from the childhood I was always taught that I am not II class citizen of this world.And if there has to be a first class citizen, then the line has to begin with me. I was taught to be proud of what I am, but not be arrogant, or apologetic about it

I invite all of you to enrich me with your views/comments on this. I was taught not to borrow my convictions, but to earn then, develop them!!

I have posted this  Facts-are-facts page on the facebook.

Please feel free to share, recommend, or what ever, if you share this concern.

God Bless!

SHYAM